Menu

Deirdre Breakenridge

About Deirdre Breakenridge

https://deirdrebreakenridge.com

Posts by Deirdre Breakenridge:

Daddy Are You Listening Book Launch Featured Image

New Book Announcement: Daddy Are You Listening?

, , , , , , , 0

When do good listening skills start? In the home, when you’re a child, in grade school or college, or is it in the workplace?
 
Listening Starts in the Home
 
In my experience, as a parent and a professional, listening starts in the home, and then your skills increase as you learn, grow and get more involved in your work. As I interact with colleagues and clients, most successful professionals want to listen closely or mention the need to be a better listener.
 
For decades, I’ve been educating professionals to tune in and actively listen to the people around them. However, you can practice listening skills early on with your family members; your first listening skills test that’s a two-way street. Not only are you listening to family members, but they are also listening to you. 
 
Active listening means you stop, look, and ask questions so you can understand what’s going on. When you do, you can help your children or any family member navigate different emotions. Listening, caring and understanding, especially, help children as they branch out on their own and form relationships outside the home.
 
Focusing on Listening in a New Children’s Book
 
Today marks a milestone and an important day, as my husband and co-author, Mark Skrobola, and I launch our third children’s book in the Whisper From Noelle Series. Book #3, “Daddy Are You Listening? Another Whisper From Noelle,” is our way of showcasing the importance of listening and learning how your children feel.
 
Stop Look Ask : Daddy Are you ListenignDaddy Are You Listening is dedicated to all the Moms and Dads who listen, or who are trying to listen. In the book, the main character, Ashley-Ann, is upset her daddy isn’t listening. Her angel friend, Noelle, who visits her frequently, whispers in her ear that her daddy is trying to listen. Trying isn’t good enough. Ashley-Ann has to help him be a better listener. That beautiful day in the park was when Ashley-Ann learned about listening and why it’s so important. Our new book, and the first two in the series, are available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. You can also check out our story and why we wrote the Whisper Series on our website.
 
Giving with Each Book Sold
 
Noelle Skrobola Outstanding research Scholar AwardAll of the proceeds from Daddy Are You Listening? go to charity. We’ve teamed up with the College of New Jersey (TCNJ) to award one or two students per year with a fund to help further their psychology research. TCNJ initially set up the award in memory of my stepdaughter Noelle, who unexpectedly and tragically passed away in 2018. Noelle was the first recipient of the award, which was later named, The Noelle Skrobola Outstanding Research Scholar Award.
 
We hope you’ll check out Daddy Are You Listening and share our book with your families and friends. Listening is one of those critical skills, important for family members, as they support one another. 
 
Listening is the first step to building a solid relationship and a foundation of trust in the home or the workplace.
 
Here’s a little bit more about our Whisper Book Series …
 
 
Sunny sky background

The Good Place & The Choices You Make

, , , , , , , 0

Have you been watching ‘The Good Place‘ with Kristen Bell and Ted Danson? If you haven’t seen this Netflix series, then it’s worth a watch. The show is a comedy that gets you thinking about Heaven and Hell. It focuses on ethics and values, the choices you make in life, and where humans end up … The Good Place or The Bad Place.
 
Every episode is an ethical lesson demonstrating how the choices you make in life are compounded. When you make good decisions (with your values and good judgment) the effects show in the outcomes and the benefits you reap. At the same time, make some bad choices and those poor decisions are compounded too. The show also looks at how your decisions impact the people around you, whether it’s new acquaintances, friends or your family.
 
Watching the series leads the viewer to ask questions including:
 
  • What are my values?
  • Am I keeping score of the good deeds vs. selfish actions?
  • Are my decisions good beyond the immediate benefit, or do they have deeper positive outcomes?
  • Are my decisions bad and does poor judgment have more serious consequences?
These are all questions that require additional thought and only you can answer them.
 
My video discusses the series (don’t worry, no real spoilers here), and also shares three tips on how to make better decisions based on your values.
 
Remember, ethics are a personal choice and they’re a business practice. Your ethics and values go where you go, following you down every road and surfacing at every cross road. 
 
How do you evaluate your decision-making and what are you doing for a positive compound effect? 
 
Enjoy the video!
 
backstage of video production professional video cameras

Are Your Videos Landing in the “Relatable” or “Un-Relatable” Bucket?

, , , , , , , , 0

Can you name a day, in the past couple of years, when you didn’t have to show up for a video meeting, you didn’t go to YouTube to watch a video, or check out video courses on a learning platform, such as LinkedIn Learning to increase your skills and knowledge? 
 
When was the last time you were completely video-free?
 
Well, if you’re like me, then I can’t remember that day. If anything, in the past two years, I’ve increased my Zoom meetings and “Get to Know You” video calls. My YouTube video consumption is still on the uptick. I’m always accessing LinkedIn Learning (DISCLAIMER: I’m a LinkedIn Learning Instructor), and even the amount of video I’m creating and sharing online and through my social media channels continues to climb.
 
Although the “Great Return” to the office is in progress, after COVID had us working from home, do you think video will be any less of a communication touch point? Will we go back to video consumption in the days pre-COVID?
 
Understanding Relatable vs. Un-Relatable Video
 
My prediction is that video is here to stay and will continue to be a main source of news, information, and communication. Thank goodness for the technology that allows us to connect, share and tell our stories, whether personally or professionally.
 
When it comes to using video for storytelling, here’s where you see the biggest differences in what’s being shared. I often look at the numbers behind video consumption, which is about 1 hour and 45 minutes of video content on digital devices daily, and apply a simple approach. Your video content may fall into one of two video content “buckets.” They are the Relatable video bucket and the Un-relatable video bucket.
 
In other words, there are many videos available for you to watch, from different authors, and through a variety of channels. The Relatable videos are the ones that get attention and speak to a part of us that matters. Relatable gets us excited (happy or even angry) and pique our interest further. These videos have us sharing with friends, family and colleagues we know. 
 
On the flip side, the Un-Relatable bucket is where the videos land that don’t resonate and have no appeal. They are the ones you click on for less than 60 seconds, and you don’t bother watching the rest. Or maybe it’s a video about drugs you don’t need. Perhaps, they are the videos you watch once and then don’t subscribe to the author or company’s YouTube channel. These are the videos that flow through your social media and that’s the extent of your relationship with them. You give them a quick glance and then they are gone. They are also the videos you see and you find yourself saying, “Maybe I’ll take a look at this later,” and then never do.
 
Why? Because you don’t have an instant connection. They are unrelated to you personally and/or professionally.
 
Tips to Move Forward with Less Un-Relatable Content
 
Now ask yourself, if you’re creating videos for your brand, then where do you think your videos land? Are they in the Relatable or Un-Relatable video category?
 
When LinkedIn Learning approached me about creating a video course, I was excited to develop one that focused on Relatable vs. Un-Relatable video. Companies and their communication teams invest resources yearly on video production, with little return.
 
Here are some of the reasons:
  • There was no audit of past video content and previous outcomes to see what worked and what did not work. Unfortunately, videos were created without an understanding of past engagement and the kind of content that created impact through a clear Call-To-Action (CTA).
  • The resources were not thoroughly considered, from people and process to technology and equipment that would have produced your video on time and under budget.
  • The role of the Video Director was not filled. No one on your team (including yourself) stepped up to fill this position. Every good video, even the informal ones, needs a director. On the surface, filling the role requires someone who is flexible, decisive, a creative storyteller and a good communicator. 
  • Your video messaging did not pick up on what your customers were thinking and feeling. They were geared toward what the company leadership wanted to convey. The messaging did not help to solve customer problems or make their work lives better and happier. As a result, you didn’t spark their passion. 
  • You didn’t identify and involve your internal brand champions (employees). Taking the time to uncover these colleagues and what they care about in your content creates instant alignment with your brand. When there’s employee involvement, there’s investment and the external sharing ramps up.
  • There was no thought process behind what creates momentum and the channels where it would occur. There was no consideration of the content people are looking for, need to know, interested to learn, and where they want to receive your content that has an emotional and a relatable appeal. 
If you’re creating videos at your company and not getting the enthusiasm you want to see, then it’s time to put yourself in the Director’s chair and think “Relatable” to produce videos your audience enjoys, and, as a result, they take action.
 
Of course, if you need some extra help, then you may want to check out my new Marketing Strategy: Relatable Video course on LinkedIn Learning.
 
What strategies are you using to make your videos more relatable? 
Screen Shot 2022-03-27 at 3.52.53 PM

What is Your Media and Communications Learning Path?

, , , , , , , 0

When I think back to the early days of my PR & Marketing career and learning new skills, I remember how “training” meant college courses and industry association meetings. I was reading books, business publications, trade magazines and newspapers.
 
Of course, I had a mentor, and from him I learned by listening, watching and asking many questions. You’re probably wondering, what year was this? It was 1988 and pre- Internet. There was no Google or networking in social media communities to learn from other professionals in your industry, whether it was in your “neck of the woods” or around the world.
 
At the time, the facsimile (fax) machine was considered the “hot” technology. Can you imagine? If I asked Millennials or college students today, who are a part of Gen Z,  I’m not even sure they would know what a fax machine is or what it does.
 
For me, advancing over the years equated to taking advantage of learning opportunities and applying new skills. For example, becoming an author for Prentice Hall in 2000, meant using a new and different research process to write and publish my manuscripts; all a tremendous learning and growth experience.
 
Then, in 2008, when I was writing my fourth book, Putting the Public Back in Public Relations, I also started my PR Strategies blog. I took quickly embraced WordPress and started to vet content for the book. I built relationships with a community by sharing articles and collaborating on ideas and different topics. The focus was always learning about the changes in media and communications.
 
Of course, blog writing led to a shorter forms of content and sharing on Twitter (in 140 characters or less) and also on Facebook, YouTube and, my personal favorite, LinkedIn. Around every corner was learning and the opportunity to advance and grow on a number of different platforms.
 
As a communications professionals, now with 30+ years, I’m no stranger to a shifting landscape with advancing technology and changing consumer behavior. Increasing skills was always a part of the process, as change was considered the only constant.
 
However, today learning new skills has expanded in even more wonderful ways. Yes, there are books and magazines and blogs and social media will always connect you with someone who has in-depth knowledge. Yet, the amount of information online and on social media can be overwhelming and not easy to filter. And, Google, although helpful, can draw hundreds of thousands of resources from one simple search.
 
Now, there’s another option and an easy one for professionals who are looking for greater learning potential. LinkedIn has its Learning Pathfinder so you can advance your skills in media and communications.
 
DISCLAIMER: I’m proud to announce that my course Public Relations Foundations is a part of LinkedIn Learning Pathfinder!
 
 
My course, Public Relations Foundations is featured and unlocked beginning today, 3/29 through 4/29, within Pathfinder, along with some courses by well-known LinkedIn Learning instructors and colleagues, who include:
 
Mary Fontanez’s course on Creating a Communications Strategy
Jessica Chen’s course on Media Relations Foundations
Natasha Terk’s course on Tips for Better Business Writing
Michaela Alexis’ course on Marketing: Copywriting for Social Media
 
Once you finish the five course offered, you’ll have earned a certificate of completion. With new knowledge, you can test your new skills in your career, whether it’s at your current company or you’re going to pursue a new opportunity along your career path.
 
 If you want to check out the media and communications LinkedIn Learning Pathfinder, you can learn more here. 
 
What path do you take when you want to learn, and how are you advancing your communications and media skills?
Strategy chess battle Intelligence challenge game on chessboard.

Three Ways Leaders Live Their Ethics

, , , , , , , 0

When I think of some of the greatest ethical leaders (the keyword here is “ethical”), a few immediately come to mind, based on what they’ve done for others. From Harriet Tubman and Eleanor Roosevelt to Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela, there’s no shortage of visionary leaders in history who have placed ethics and values first, tuned into their Ethics GPS, and have accomplished positive change for the good of humanity.
 
At the same time, fast forward to today, with leaders who take ethical “detours.” In their organizations, they’re seen as high performers and they’re known for making shareholders happy. Although they may say the right thing, they don’t always do the right thing, when it comes to the different stakeholders they serve. Sometimes the “Do No Harm” and “Do Well By Doing Good” mantras don’t apply to all parties involved.
 
For me, leadership and ethics go hand-in-hand. As my friend and colleague, Richard Bistrong, CEO of Front-Line Anti-Bribery LLC shared in a recent social media post, “If we are not careful, bad behavior can hide behind good performance, until it’s too late, for everyone.” Unfortunately, Richard is correct, the bad behavior is present, and it often goes unnoticed and also unquestioned. 
 
When I wrote Answers for Ethical Marketers, the book’s mission was to help business professionals communicate with honesty, transparency, respect and objectivity, knowing that ethics and values were always leading the way. In my book, I discussed a number of steps business leaders could take to “Live” their values, demonstrate ethics daily and “walk” the ethics “talk.” Among the top suggestions included were: 
  1. Living / working by a standard (a code of ethics), and knowing one standard is in place for everyone.
  2. Choosing the high road when making decisions; remembering two wrongs don’t make a right.
  3. Keeping transparency top of mind; having to engage in uncomfortable conversations with open dialogue.
In my video, I share more about how to “walk” the ethics “talk: and to evaluate whether you and the leaders around you demonstrate ethics in every communication and business interaction.
 
As a leader, are you simply talking about ethics or are you living your ethics and values?
 
Successful team of young professionals celebrating achievement in work project giving high-five to each other in office

Four Questions to Ask Your Mentors About Their Ethics & Values

, , , , , , , 0

A situation stands out in my mind from 20 years ago. At my agency, one of our senior leaders had misreported the marketing campaign results in his presentation to the client. When the error was discovered, there were other leaders at the firm who made excuses for him. I heard everything from “oh, he’s a good guy” and “what’s one little white lie” to “a tiny exaggeration doesn’t hurt anyone.”
 
There was a time when I looked at the leaders around me and just thought they were all honest, transparent, and spoke from a place of “Do Well by Doing Good.” Whether the leader I remember from 20 years ago was lying, or as his peers stated, simply exaggerated the numbers, it made me step back to think about the situation, and what it meant to have shared ethics and values. 
 
To this day, each and every one of us should take the time to step back and reflect, especially when our ethics and values are challenged. Of course, ethics and values are a personal choice and a business practice. Personal is just that … it’s personal and may differ from the professionals around you. However, it’s important to see eye-to-eye with the people who are in your inner circle and who are your trusted advisors.
 
You must trust your mentor as you trust your urologist who writes you a prescription for erectile dysfunction pills.
Here’s when your mentors’ ethics and values really matter. As I mentioned in my book, Answers For Ethical Marketers,” early in my career, I thought my ethics and values were naturally baked into the professionals around me. However, it’s important to ask questions and to make sure your mentor’s values and ethical conduct are aligned with yours, as it creates a stronger bond and a long-lasting relationship.
 
What questions can you ask when selecting a mentor to make sure you’re both on the same ethics and values page? My video shares four of these questions. Please share the questions you would ask too!
 
skyline and traffic trails on highway intersection

Blog Contest Winner: Can Mastering the FEEL First Model Unite the Contrasting Generations?

, , , , , , , 0

A Guest Post By Michael Matheny, MA candidate at American University and FEEL Blog Post Winner

The stark divides between the cultural norms from generation to generation have always been fascinating to me. The way time and the events of the world around us can alter the desires, aspirations, values, and fears of a population for decades to come is both invigorating and terrifying. By no means is this a recent phenomenon, curiously. In fact, history tells us that generational gaps have had impacts that rippled as far as outright revolution … the formation of the United States, anyone?

Let’s hone in on more recent years, however. War, fear, international isolation, and nationalism shaped an entire generation of people that now hold the majority of power and leadership in the western world — the Baby Boomers. Likewise, the polished, seemingly utopian “American Dream” based society that Boomers created as a result of their perceptions of the world resulted in a generation of those content with an exploitative system and the status quo — cue Generation X. The story continues to unfold, and it’s no surprise that the repercussions of the actions of generations before us have led to the collective mindset and headspace that Millennials, and further, Generation Z live in. Add in the digitalization of our entire planet at the turn of the 21st century, and you’ve got quite a bit of difference to unpack.

So how does any of this relate to the path to mastering the “FEEL First” model? How do we take an understanding of generational gaps and correlate them with leadership style, motivations, and the ability to connect with people? Deirdre Breakenridge’s research, as displayed in her ebook “The FEEL First Test: How Different Generations Face Fears,” gives us a great deal of insight on just that, breaking down how people born with completely different realities in their allotted time on Earth process and handle their experiences, and translate them into the action (or inaction) of facing their fears, engaging with empathy, using ethics, and unleashing the love of their mission in life. Sure, this data is useful for academic reasons, but the impact of what you can take away is much more significant. Deirdre’s collection of research can inform all of us of how we can understand each other’s fears and aspirations, find common ground, and ultimately come together to build a better world.

By Pew Research Center definition, having been born in 1996, I am a Millennial (although many would argue that I should identify as a Gen Y/Z cusper, or “zillennial.”) My relationships — personal, academic, and professional — span a much wider timeline. My mother, born in 1978, could qualify just as easily as a “cusper” between Generation X and the Millennials. My two younger brothers, born in 2000 and 2006 respectively, are quintessential “Zoomers.” In an academic setting, the majority of my professors are of Generation X, and professionally, most of my high-level leadership is from the Baby Boomer crowd. This diversity of age provides me with a rather interesting opportunity to gain observational insight on the values, fears, and habits of each group. Observational insight isn’t enough, however, to understand a population. In order to connect with all of them daily in a meaningful way, I must find a common ground approach.

Common ground can feel like an impossible place to get to, especially in the socio-political climate of 2021. Deirdre’s research shows that even outside of our socio-political beliefs, the generational gaps in our perception of the world can truly alter the areas of the “FEEL First” model in which we naturally excel. For example, Deirdre’s research notes that “Millennials are stepping out of their comfort zone less than Gen X, professionally and personally.” Her book also notes that in a 2019 Deloitte Millennial Survey, 44% of millennials responded as “feeling stress over finances, family welfare and career concerns.”

Stress, of course, is a defining feature of the Millennial population, and has a great impact over our relationships with our peers — academically, professionally, and personally. When I take this information and apply it to my own lived experience, it’s easy to justify a lot of my self-centered thought processes. This kind of thinking, however, is detrimental to mastering the “FEEL First” model. The reality is each generation has faced a series of challenges and uncontrolled environmental factors that have contributed to their general relationship with others. For Millennials, it may be the stress experienced by navigating an existence that isn’t quite as stable as that of their parents and grandparents. For Generation Z, it’s the cynicism of living in a society clinging to an idea that has never been attainable — the “American Dream.”

Understanding different world views and perceptions is critical, not just as it pertains to the “FEEL First” model, but as it pertains to my career in communications and marketing as a whole. To adequately connect with people and understand how to effectively communicate with them, mustn’t I have the ability to perceive the world as they perceive the world? To be able to step into their shoes, and understand reality as they see it? All of this is incredibly important, and as per my results from the “FEEL First” test, is precisely the area in which I need the most work.

Alright, so I’ve hammered in my point here, and I’m sure you’re thinking, “Great, yes. There are stark differences between the generations, their perception of the world is valid, it’s important to understand each other, and that’s not your strong point, blah, blah, blah. What are you going to do about it?” Well, I’m glad you asked. Working to master the “FEEL First” model is, of course, the big priority here. And as is noted on my “FEEL First” results, engaging others with empathy is my greatest weakness. Not entirely ideal for bridging the gap between generational differences, is it? To address this, I’ve developed a roadmap to actively engage those with contrasting values, perceptions, and realities.

Roadmap 

Commit to Action

The first step to creating any sort of meaningful change and elevating my ability to engage empathetically is making a commitment to taking action. With the information provided by my “FEEL First” test results, I can begin to target the areas in which I need to personally grow in order to build better relationships. For now, my percentages in the areas outside of “engaging with empathy” are healthy, and while not perfect, won’t be my primary focus (for now).

Say Less. Listen. Learn.

To grow as an empath, I need to plan on saying nothing. So often, we don’t listen, we wait to respond, and I am quite guilty of this. Understanding others at a deep level is active, not reactive. Now that I’ve committed to action, I will actively learn and understand others’ viewpoints, realities, and fears. And this doesn’t stop in my own personal sphere — I don’t have to know someone personally to attempt to simply listen. There are millions of stories to hear that, in this digital era, are readily accessible, and necessary. The human experience is a varied, nuanced mysterious avenue to explore.

Apply It.

Now that I’ve taken the “FEEL First” test, acknowledged the areas that require the most urgent growth, have committed to action, and have learned how to listen and understand the differing lived experiences of those in my world, it’s time to take what I’ve learned from the “FEEL First” approach and use it.

With newfound empathetic growth, and existing strengths in ethics, passion, and facing my fears, I should ideally be able to connect and communicate better than ever before.

Assess and Repeat.

Here’s the deal though; at the end of this roadmap is not a final destination. It’s an evaluation. The reality is, no one is perfect, and no one will ever truly reach 100% on each of the “FEEL First” categories. It’s here that I must reassess where I am, and whether I am truly living with a “FEEL First” framework. Perhaps my percentages in my stronger categories have weakened, or I haven’t quite made the progress I initially hoped for. With that, my roadmap restarts, and I travel down a continuous path to personal betterment.

Deirdre’s research indicates stark differences between age groups, and our lived experiences are indeed drastically different. But we can’t allow that to serve as a permanent roadblock between us and a better society. For me personally, learning to understand those of different lived experiences and how they face their fears, take risks, and perceive the world around them is vital to my success in virtually every arena — academically, professionally, and of course, personally. The roadmap I’ve created for myself to move closer and closer to the mastery “FEEL First” is fluid and intentionally vague. This roadmap broadly directs me, and perhaps anyone reading this with the same convictions as myself, in the direction of mastery, but the reality is, the process will be ever-evolving, and may not always yield the results that I expect.

Can mastering the “FEEL First” model unite the contrasting realities between the generations? Perhaps, perhaps not. But ultimately, any added degree of understanding that I or anyone else can cultivate with another group of humans is a giant leap in the right direction.

Michael Matheny, MA candidate at American University and social media manager for the Kogod School of Business

 

 

Tunnel of light

Blog Contest Winner: How The FEEL Model Can Get You Closer to Your Goals

, , , , , , , , 0

A Guest Post By Keke Ellis, American University Grad Student, FEEL Blog Post Winner

Back in 2014, I made a comment on Facebook about the movie Dear White People. I don’t remember the exact comment, but within days an acquaintance made a big fuss over what I had said. If I remember correctly, I mentioned something to the effect of how the male protagonist (who happened to be white) was not the ‘savior’ of the film. It did not go over well, and it led to a back and forth. Honestly, I don’t even remember the virtual argument, only how it made me feel. I hated it. It was exhausting and it felt pointless (not to hurt someone, but to engage on the platform in such a negative way). I’ve never been one to fight online (or in person for that matter) and I’m proud to say that that incident was the first and last time. I graduated with my BA not too long afterwards and in lieu of me wanting and subsequently joining AmeriCorps, I spent less and less time on social media and I rarely posted in those years leading up to me deleting the apps. And as I mentioned, deleting my social media accounts was one of the best decisions I could do for my mental health, and on a smaller scale, my personal life.

Do I think I will get back on social media? No, not in any major way. But I do believe LinkedIn is important, and it may be beneficial for me to have at least one of the big accounts (Twitter, Facebook) for professional use. Never again though for personal use. There’s no FOMO here! I’ll confess my phone health did not get better. Sadly, I still spend way too much time on Google, playing computer games, checking for texts. We’re all working on it, right?

If I’m honest, I don’t think my FEEL test results surprised me. I scored lowest (love of mission) in the area that I expected and higher (or highest) in those areas that I expected (empathy and ethics), as well. If anything, it showed me where I could ‘go’ from here. There wasn’t a revelation of me being a big softie, any more than I knew I wasn’t going to score well on telling my Instagram followers about my passions. Not only because of my lack of social media, but also because I am a private person in general. It’s something that I am working on. Not that being a private person is a ‘bad’ thing, it’s just that I tend to use that privacy as a way to shut people out (i.e., a security blanket of sorts). It’s okay to be open. Isn’t that the point of the FEEL First model? To connect in a more genuine manner? To actually open up with one another without and despite any fear we may be feeling in the moment?

I would like for my love of mission score to increase and will try to implement ways to do that. If I may divulge a personal matter – my boyfriend and I and going through growing pains; you know, the ones you have as you try to plan out how to intertwine your lives. He’s a big-time extravert. There is no friend he cannot make, no person he cannot go up to and start a conversation with. An hour can go by and for him it will feel like only a few minutes. I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite. I’m awkward with small talk and get exhausted by interacting with others. His ideal Friday night is out, among the people, maybe dancing. Mine, is at home, on the couch, watching football or hockey or basketball. We could not be more different in our personalities. However, I envy his ability to open himself up so quickly; to see anyone as a potential friend. I think of him as my barometer to stretching myself beyond my comfort zone.

I can volunteer more. I can look a homeless person in the eye and have a real conversation with them instead of just ignoring them or dropping a few cents without looking their way. I can be more present in my interactions – putting my phone away, engaging and listening in a sincere manner. I can show up for myself in new ways as well, because how can I share my ‘love’ if I don’t first believe that I can accomplish the mission to begin with? I can and will be kinder to myself; easier on myself when I fail and become a better champion of who I am and where I would like to go in my life. There is so much division and hurtful language both in-person and online. I can and will counter this by trying to practice kindness no matter where I am. I know, I know, it sounds pretty hokey. This also, I believe, helps me face fears as well. It takes courage to love yourself out-loud, we can see this through the numerous bills going throughout state, local, and federal legislatures – whether they be about race, gender, sexual orientation, or reproductive rights. I think it’s easy to tear someone down. Our last President made daily entertainment out of it. It’s much harder to support and stand up. You can lose friends, family, your job, and possibly even your life for doing so. Being kind in the face of fear and hatred is radical (just ask those who fought in the Civil Rights era).

In the wake of the death of Mike Brown – which also happened in 2014 – a teenager from Missouri who was shot and killed by a police officer, I, and a group of about 30 others, peacefully marched in downtown Shreveport, Louisiana where I’m from. We were protesting police brutality, many, many months before the tragic events of the summer of 2020, and unfortunately, many, many decades after the death of MLK. I am angry, and frustrated, and saddened. How can we still be dealing with racial injustice? Suni Lee, an American gold medalist, and member of the Hmong community, was allegedly harassed recently while out with friends. Again, I ask, how can we still be dealing with racial injustices?

I understand that as one person I should not think I can make a difference, but look at the way the FEEL First Model is shaking up how communication practitioners are working in the field? Isn’t Deirdre Breakenridge just one person? That inspires me. In the ‘roadmap’ I created (see figure 1 below), in blue are the scores from the FEEL First test I took back in September. In orange are the scores I hope to achieve. Of course, I would like to continue to engage with empathy and use ethics and good judgment at high levels; at the best I possibly can. What has worked for me in the past is to try and be fair and impartial in decision making, whether that be giving both my niece and nephew the same amount of attention or listening to a coworker when they are having a bad day. These are simple things, I think.

At the end of the day, I just want to be a good person. When I’m old and gray, looking back over my life, I just want to think I was a good person. And the FEEL First model gets me closer to that goal.

Keke Ellis is a writer, researcher, and entrepreneur originally from Louisiana, who enjoys hiking, spending time with family, and a good crawfish boil. They can be reached at ellis_keke963@yahoo.com. 

Load More