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New Book Announcement: Daddy Are You Listening?

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When do good listening skills start? In the home, when you’re a child, in grade school or college, or is it in the workplace?
 
Listening Starts in the Home
 
In my experience, as a parent and a professional, listening starts in the home, and then your skills increase as you learn, grow and get more involved in your work. As I interact with colleagues and clients, most successful professionals want to listen closely or mention the need to be a better listener.
 
For decades, I’ve been educating professionals to tune in and actively listen to the people around them. However, you can practice listening skills early on with your family members; your first listening skills test that’s a two-way street. Not only are you listening to family members, but they are also listening to you. 
 
Active listening means you stop, look, and ask questions so you can understand what’s going on. When you do, you can help your children or any family member navigate different emotions. Listening, caring and understanding, especially, help children as they branch out on their own and form relationships outside the home.
 
Focusing on Listening in a New Children’s Book
 
Today marks a milestone and an important day, as my husband and co-author, Mark Skrobola, and I launch our third children’s book in the Whisper From Noelle Series. Book #3, “Daddy Are You Listening? Another Whisper From Noelle,” is our way of showcasing the importance of listening and learning how your children feel.
 
Stop Look Ask : Daddy Are you ListenignDaddy Are You Listening is dedicated to all the Moms and Dads who listen, or who are trying to listen. In the book, the main character, Ashley-Ann, is upset her daddy isn’t listening. Her angel friend, Noelle, who visits her frequently, whispers in her ear that her daddy is trying to listen. Trying isn’t good enough. Ashley-Ann has to help him be a better listener. That beautiful day in the park was when Ashley-Ann learned about listening and why it’s so important. Our new book, and the first two in the series, are available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. You can also check out our story and why we wrote the Whisper Series on our website.
 
Giving with Each Book Sold
 
Noelle Skrobola Outstanding research Scholar AwardAll of the proceeds from Daddy Are You Listening? go to charity. We’ve teamed up with the College of New Jersey (TCNJ) to award one or two students per year with a fund to help further their psychology research. TCNJ initially set up the award in memory of my stepdaughter Noelle, who unexpectedly and tragically passed away in 2018. Noelle was the first recipient of the award, which was later named, The Noelle Skrobola Outstanding Research Scholar Award.
 
We hope you’ll check out Daddy Are You Listening and share our book with your families and friends. Listening is one of those critical skills, important for family members, as they support one another. 
 
Listening is the first step to building a solid relationship and a foundation of trust in the home or the workplace.
 
Here’s a little bit more about our Whisper Book Series …
 
 
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Blog Contest Winner: Can Mastering the FEEL First Model Unite the Contrasting Generations?

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A Guest Post By Michael Matheny, MA candidate at American University and FEEL Blog Post Winner

The stark divides between the cultural norms from generation to generation have always been fascinating to me. The way time and the events of the world around us can alter the desires, aspirations, values, and fears of a population for decades to come is both invigorating and terrifying. By no means is this a recent phenomenon, curiously. In fact, history tells us that generational gaps have had impacts that rippled as far as outright revolution … the formation of the United States, anyone?

Let’s hone in on more recent years, however. War, fear, international isolation, and nationalism shaped an entire generation of people that now hold the majority of power and leadership in the western world — the Baby Boomers. Likewise, the polished, seemingly utopian “American Dream” based society that Boomers created as a result of their perceptions of the world resulted in a generation of those content with an exploitative system and the status quo — cue Generation X. The story continues to unfold, and it’s no surprise that the repercussions of the actions of generations before us have led to the collective mindset and headspace that Millennials, and further, Generation Z live in. Add in the digitalization of our entire planet at the turn of the 21st century, and you’ve got quite a bit of difference to unpack.

So how does any of this relate to the path to mastering the “FEEL First” model? How do we take an understanding of generational gaps and correlate them with leadership style, motivations, and the ability to connect with people? Deirdre Breakenridge’s research, as displayed in her ebook “The FEEL First Test: How Different Generations Face Fears,” gives us a great deal of insight on just that, breaking down how people born with completely different realities in their allotted time on Earth process and handle their experiences, and translate them into the action (or inaction) of facing their fears, engaging with empathy, using ethics, and unleashing the love of their mission in life. Sure, this data is useful for academic reasons, but the impact of what you can take away is much more significant. Deirdre’s collection of research can inform all of us of how we can understand each other’s fears and aspirations, find common ground, and ultimately come together to build a better world.

By Pew Research Center definition, having been born in 1996, I am a Millennial (although many would argue that I should identify as a Gen Y/Z cusper, or “zillennial.”) My relationships — personal, academic, and professional — span a much wider timeline. My mother, born in 1978, could qualify just as easily as a “cusper” between Generation X and the Millennials. My two younger brothers, born in 2000 and 2006 respectively, are quintessential “Zoomers.” In an academic setting, the majority of my professors are of Generation X, and professionally, most of my high-level leadership is from the Baby Boomer crowd. This diversity of age provides me with a rather interesting opportunity to gain observational insight on the values, fears, and habits of each group. Observational insight isn’t enough, however, to understand a population. In order to connect with all of them daily in a meaningful way, I must find a common ground approach.

Common ground can feel like an impossible place to get to, especially in the socio-political climate of 2021. Deirdre’s research shows that even outside of our socio-political beliefs, the generational gaps in our perception of the world can truly alter the areas of the “FEEL First” model in which we naturally excel. For example, Deirdre’s research notes that “Millennials are stepping out of their comfort zone less than Gen X, professionally and personally.” Her book also notes that in a 2019 Deloitte Millennial Survey, 44% of millennials responded as “feeling stress over finances, family welfare and career concerns.”

Stress, of course, is a defining feature of the Millennial population, and has a great impact over our relationships with our peers — academically, professionally, and personally. When I take this information and apply it to my own lived experience, it’s easy to justify a lot of my self-centered thought processes. This kind of thinking, however, is detrimental to mastering the “FEEL First” model. The reality is each generation has faced a series of challenges and uncontrolled environmental factors that have contributed to their general relationship with others. For Millennials, it may be the stress experienced by navigating an existence that isn’t quite as stable as that of their parents and grandparents. For Generation Z, it’s the cynicism of living in a society clinging to an idea that has never been attainable — the “American Dream.”

Understanding different world views and perceptions is critical, not just as it pertains to the “FEEL First” model, but as it pertains to my career in communications and marketing as a whole. To adequately connect with people and understand how to effectively communicate with them, mustn’t I have the ability to perceive the world as they perceive the world? To be able to step into their shoes, and understand reality as they see it? All of this is incredibly important, and as per my results from the “FEEL First” test, is precisely the area in which I need the most work.

Alright, so I’ve hammered in my point here, and I’m sure you’re thinking, “Great, yes. There are stark differences between the generations, their perception of the world is valid, it’s important to understand each other, and that’s not your strong point, blah, blah, blah. What are you going to do about it?” Well, I’m glad you asked. Working to master the “FEEL First” model is, of course, the big priority here. And as is noted on my “FEEL First” results, engaging others with empathy is my greatest weakness. Not entirely ideal for bridging the gap between generational differences, is it? To address this, I’ve developed a roadmap to actively engage those with contrasting values, perceptions, and realities.

Roadmap 

Commit to Action

The first step to creating any sort of meaningful change and elevating my ability to engage empathetically is making a commitment to taking action. With the information provided by my “FEEL First” test results, I can begin to target the areas in which I need to personally grow in order to build better relationships. For now, my percentages in the areas outside of “engaging with empathy” are healthy, and while not perfect, won’t be my primary focus (for now).

Say Less. Listen. Learn.

To grow as an empath, I need to plan on saying nothing. So often, we don’t listen, we wait to respond, and I am quite guilty of this. Understanding others at a deep level is active, not reactive. Now that I’ve committed to action, I will actively learn and understand others’ viewpoints, realities, and fears. And this doesn’t stop in my own personal sphere — I don’t have to know someone personally to attempt to simply listen. There are millions of stories to hear that, in this digital era, are readily accessible, and necessary. The human experience is a varied, nuanced mysterious avenue to explore.

Apply It.

Now that I’ve taken the “FEEL First” test, acknowledged the areas that require the most urgent growth, have committed to action, and have learned how to listen and understand the differing lived experiences of those in my world, it’s time to take what I’ve learned from the “FEEL First” approach and use it.

With newfound empathetic growth, and existing strengths in ethics, passion, and facing my fears, I should ideally be able to connect and communicate better than ever before.

Assess and Repeat.

Here’s the deal though; at the end of this roadmap is not a final destination. It’s an evaluation. The reality is, no one is perfect, and no one will ever truly reach 100% on each of the “FEEL First” categories. It’s here that I must reassess where I am, and whether I am truly living with a “FEEL First” framework. Perhaps my percentages in my stronger categories have weakened, or I haven’t quite made the progress I initially hoped for. With that, my roadmap restarts, and I travel down a continuous path to personal betterment.

Deirdre’s research indicates stark differences between age groups, and our lived experiences are indeed drastically different. But we can’t allow that to serve as a permanent roadblock between us and a better society. For me personally, learning to understand those of different lived experiences and how they face their fears, take risks, and perceive the world around them is vital to my success in virtually every arena — academically, professionally, and of course, personally. The roadmap I’ve created for myself to move closer and closer to the mastery “FEEL First” is fluid and intentionally vague. This roadmap broadly directs me, and perhaps anyone reading this with the same convictions as myself, in the direction of mastery, but the reality is, the process will be ever-evolving, and may not always yield the results that I expect.

Can mastering the “FEEL First” model unite the contrasting realities between the generations? Perhaps, perhaps not. But ultimately, any added degree of understanding that I or anyone else can cultivate with another group of humans is a giant leap in the right direction.

Michael Matheny, MA candidate at American University and social media manager for the Kogod School of Business

 

 

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Blog Contest Winner: How The FEEL Model Can Get You Closer to Your Goals

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A Guest Post By Keke Ellis, American University Grad Student, FEEL Blog Post Winner

Back in 2014, I made a comment on Facebook about the movie Dear White People. I don’t remember the exact comment, but within days an acquaintance made a big fuss over what I had said. If I remember correctly, I mentioned something to the effect of how the male protagonist (who happened to be white) was not the ‘savior’ of the film. It did not go over well, and it led to a back and forth. Honestly, I don’t even remember the virtual argument, only how it made me feel. I hated it. It was exhausting and it felt pointless (not to hurt someone, but to engage on the platform in such a negative way). I’ve never been one to fight online (or in person for that matter) and I’m proud to say that that incident was the first and last time. I graduated with my BA not too long afterwards and in lieu of me wanting and subsequently joining AmeriCorps, I spent less and less time on social media and I rarely posted in those years leading up to me deleting the apps. And as I mentioned, deleting my social media accounts was one of the best decisions I could do for my mental health, and on a smaller scale, my personal life.

Do I think I will get back on social media? No, not in any major way. But I do believe LinkedIn is important, and it may be beneficial for me to have at least one of the big accounts (Twitter, Facebook) for professional use. Never again though for personal use. There’s no FOMO here! I’ll confess my phone health did not get better. Sadly, I still spend way too much time on Google, playing computer games, checking for texts. We’re all working on it, right?

If I’m honest, I don’t think my FEEL test results surprised me. I scored lowest (love of mission) in the area that I expected and higher (or highest) in those areas that I expected (empathy and ethics), as well. If anything, it showed me where I could ‘go’ from here. There wasn’t a revelation of me being a big softie, any more than I knew I wasn’t going to score well on telling my Instagram followers about my passions. Not only because of my lack of social media, but also because I am a private person in general. It’s something that I am working on. Not that being a private person is a ‘bad’ thing, it’s just that I tend to use that privacy as a way to shut people out (i.e., a security blanket of sorts). It’s okay to be open. Isn’t that the point of the FEEL First model? To connect in a more genuine manner? To actually open up with one another without and despite any fear we may be feeling in the moment?

I would like for my love of mission score to increase and will try to implement ways to do that. If I may divulge a personal matter – my boyfriend and I and going through growing pains; you know, the ones you have as you try to plan out how to intertwine your lives. He’s a big-time extravert. There is no friend he cannot make, no person he cannot go up to and start a conversation with. An hour can go by and for him it will feel like only a few minutes. I, on the other hand, am the exact opposite. I’m awkward with small talk and get exhausted by interacting with others. His ideal Friday night is out, among the people, maybe dancing. Mine, is at home, on the couch, watching football or hockey or basketball. We could not be more different in our personalities. However, I envy his ability to open himself up so quickly; to see anyone as a potential friend. I think of him as my barometer to stretching myself beyond my comfort zone.

I can volunteer more. I can look a homeless person in the eye and have a real conversation with them instead of just ignoring them or dropping a few cents without looking their way. I can be more present in my interactions – putting my phone away, engaging and listening in a sincere manner. I can show up for myself in new ways as well, because how can I share my ‘love’ if I don’t first believe that I can accomplish the mission to begin with? I can and will be kinder to myself; easier on myself when I fail and become a better champion of who I am and where I would like to go in my life. There is so much division and hurtful language both in-person and online. I can and will counter this by trying to practice kindness no matter where I am. I know, I know, it sounds pretty hokey. This also, I believe, helps me face fears as well. It takes courage to love yourself out-loud, we can see this through the numerous bills going throughout state, local, and federal legislatures – whether they be about race, gender, sexual orientation, or reproductive rights. I think it’s easy to tear someone down. Our last President made daily entertainment out of it. It’s much harder to support and stand up. You can lose friends, family, your job, and possibly even your life for doing so. Being kind in the face of fear and hatred is radical (just ask those who fought in the Civil Rights era).

In the wake of the death of Mike Brown – which also happened in 2014 – a teenager from Missouri who was shot and killed by a police officer, I, and a group of about 30 others, peacefully marched in downtown Shreveport, Louisiana where I’m from. We were protesting police brutality, many, many months before the tragic events of the summer of 2020, and unfortunately, many, many decades after the death of MLK. I am angry, and frustrated, and saddened. How can we still be dealing with racial injustice? Suni Lee, an American gold medalist, and member of the Hmong community, was allegedly harassed recently while out with friends. Again, I ask, how can we still be dealing with racial injustices?

I understand that as one person I should not think I can make a difference, but look at the way the FEEL First Model is shaking up how communication practitioners are working in the field? Isn’t Deirdre Breakenridge just one person? That inspires me. In the ‘roadmap’ I created (see figure 1 below), in blue are the scores from the FEEL First test I took back in September. In orange are the scores I hope to achieve. Of course, I would like to continue to engage with empathy and use ethics and good judgment at high levels; at the best I possibly can. What has worked for me in the past is to try and be fair and impartial in decision making, whether that be giving both my niece and nephew the same amount of attention or listening to a coworker when they are having a bad day. These are simple things, I think.

At the end of the day, I just want to be a good person. When I’m old and gray, looking back over my life, I just want to think I was a good person. And the FEEL First model gets me closer to that goal.

Keke Ellis is a writer, researcher, and entrepreneur originally from Louisiana, who enjoys hiking, spending time with family, and a good crawfish boil. They can be reached at ellis_keke963@yahoo.com. 

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Blog Contest Winner: Implementing FEEL in the Workplace

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A Guest Post By Haley Epping, Masters Student At American University, FEEL Blog Post Winner

The essence of the FEEL method is prioritizing communication and recognizing your feelings. Since our human nature is to be social beings, it is extremely useful to discuss the best communication method with your colleagues at work. Here is a six-step plan to help you and your co-workers implement the FEEL model into your workplace.

To complete this roadmap, plan a time with your colleagues when you can have an uninterrupted opportunity to discuss and be open with each other. After planning that time, make sure everyone completes the FEEL test and brings the results or a general idea of them to the meeting.

At the first meeting, be sure to set some ground rules such as privacy agreements surrounding colleagues sharing results and feelings. It is  crucial that everyone is comfortable and is open to learning. Constructive feedback can be very helpful, but in this case, limiting the amount of direct criticism is useful to ensure no one feels offended or attacked.

The first step of this roadmap is to discuss preferred ways of communicating. Since not everyone will communicate the same way, holding space to learn about your co-workers is an essential first step. In the FEEL First eBook on how generations face fears, the results showed that Millennials generally “prefer consistent and ongoing feedback and access to higher level meetings where they can state their ideas” (p. 11). If you are a Millennial, your boss may not know this is how you feel and will not provide this feedback due to generational differences. This is when miscommunication can occur because if a boss, who is a baby boomer, does not know that their staff wants consistent feedback and does not provide it. Millennials may assume they are not doing their job well. Instead,  the boss does not think consistent feedback is necessary. In this space, hearing colleagues share their feelings creates a closer connection, which may make it easier to communicate more effectively in the future.

The second step is to share examples of past communication failures. This can be done in two ways. First, the group can share constructive criticism about miscommunications between colleagues that are a part of the discussion. Another option is to describe miscommunications at your past jobs. Sharing examples gives people tangible stories to remember for the future, and it can be a therapeutic space for those telling the anecdote. These previous miscommunications may have occurred between two people of different generations, which would also provide more context for why the FEEL model is crucial. In my experience, many of my bosses who are older, millennial or boomer generations, do not use praise on a consistent basis. Instead, they wait until the annual review or if I asked for a mid-year review. In their minds, I am not doing a bad job, they may think I am doing great, but they do not go out of their way to tell me if there is not time devoted to feedback. Because of this, I think I need to change what I am doing to receive positive feedback. This is a clear miscommunication and stems from our different generational upbringings.

After sharing past negative experiences, the third step is to describe times where you have had clear and successful communication with a co-worker. Similarly, to the second step, these stories may be about current co-workers or past colleagues. Both narratives will provide value to this discussion. These stories may provide some comfort for those who have communicated in similar ways, or it could provide ideas to those who need to improve their communication.

Moving forward to the facing fears portion of FEEL, the fourth step is to discuss workplace fears. This can be a difficult step since it aims for people to be vulnerable, but it is critical. Sharing fears will allow colleagues to be empathetic with each other, which is another tenant of FEEL. This step also can provide comfort if other co-workers have similar fears or have in the past. Colleagues can collaborate on ways for others to conquer their fears and provide their own anecdotal advice.

Also, if there are various levels of management within this group, allowing upper management to learn about their staff’s worries could help them be more empathetic in the future. This can also make hierarchies less rigid in the future, which would lead to a greater flow of communication. According to FEEL data, only 15% of participants said they always stepped out of their comfort zone professionally. This means there is a lot of room for improvement for all generations. Challenging oneself can be extremely difficult and stressful, but when you are able to discuss these worries with co-workers, it allows you to hear other perspectives and hopefully receive reassurance.

After sharing all this information, positive and negative examples of communication, and fears in the workplace, the fifth step is to make a plan. This plan must be concrete and include perspectives from everyone involved. The goal of this plan is to create specific ways that your group can improve communication in the workplace. To ensure that everyone can see this plan, create it in a shared document or email the final version to everyone afterwards. One of the goals may look like this: After (colleague’s name) shares final products with me, I will provide feedback within 2 days. This feedback will include positive reactions and, if needed, constructive criticism. This is a specific goal that can be implemented on a semi-regular schedule and does not need to wait for end of the year performance reviews. In this plan, be sure to include a fear that everyone would like to overcome. It may be hard for people to write it down publicly, so an alternative could be to encourage them to write it on their personal computer.

Once a few months have passed since creating the plan, the final step is to create a time for the group to check-in. This time allows everyone to share if they think the group’s communication has improved, and what can be done to enhance communication further. Look back at the plan that was made last time to see if these written goals were achieved, or if they need to be modified. If they were not attained, discuss what the roadblock was. In addition to the interpersonal communication goals, ask everyone if they conquered a fear in the workplace. Reiterate that this is a judgement-free zone where people can speak freely about their successes or shortcomings.

Discussing fears may be difficult, especially if they were unable to conquer it, so remember to be supportive and, if possible, suggest advice for the future. Even though it may be difficult to continue group meetings on a regular basis, these check-ins can allow the staff to have a space to improve communication and work towards overcoming their workplace fears. It also provides an opportunity to change communication styles easily if necessary. Working on these goals will greatly strengthen your team’s collaboratively, emotional well-being, and efficiency in the long term.

Haley Epping is a Masters student at American University studying Strategic Communications with a focus in Digital Communication Strategies & Analytics.

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FEEL First Student Contest Winners to Be Named in January 2022

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Each semester, I visit different university and college classrooms (virtually) to share the research behind the FEEL model and the FEEL First online test. Before the students dive into the model and the study findings, I’m quick to point out that the road to FEEL (facing Fears, engaging with Empathy, living with Ethics and unleashing Love) starts early and long before you begin your professional career.
 

In the fall semester 2021, I had the honor and pleasure of meeting Professor Jason Mollica’s Strategic Communications class at American University. The FEEL model and FEEL First test online became a part of their semester-long project.
 
The goals for the students were to learn about the FEEL model and take the online test to discover their levels of FEEL in their communications and interactions. Then, the students reviewed the data presented in the FEEL ebook on how different generations face fears, and related all of the information presented to their own experience and communications.
 
 
 
As I expected, the students approached FEEL differently, writing blog posts and creating infographics based on their experiences. Professor Mollica and I created a contest, so three students, who wrote strategically (applying what they learned in class) and who embraced the FEEL model, would be the winners featured on my PR Strategies blog.
 
We’ve selected these three winners, and they’ll be announced in January 2022. What a great way to start the New Year, with a FEEL First approach to communication and relationship building. Stay tuned for the winners, which will be coming soon.
 
I’d like to thank all of the students who participated in the contest and Professor Mollica, who is a friend, colleague and always a huge supporter of my work.
 
Here’s to much more FEEL in 2022!
 
Featured Image: Photo by Giulia Bertelli on Unsplash
 
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Three Ways to Identify Ethical Issues at Your Company

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Ethics and values have to move across your organization. Today, all employees are considered Ethical Marketers, not just your marketing and PR professionals. They all have a responsibility to uphold ethics and values when they communicate on behalf of your company.
 
Ethics and values are not not just words on a plaque that hang on a company wall. Of course, once you’ve identified those ethics and values, it’s time to think about if and how they’re adopted. Why are ethics and values spelled out and then not demonstrated?
 
There may be ethical trouble spots preventing good judgment and ethical behavior, which you can identify. Some of these signs can easily be uncovered. These signals let you know there could be ethics trouble ahead. The key is to identify early to prevent the sharing of harmful or miscommunicated information.
 
In my video, I offer three tips so that you can identify where there might be a breakdown in company ethics and how you can build stronger internal systems.  It was Ben Franklin who coined the timeless phrase, “an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.” 
 
If you want to learn more about being an Ethical Marketer, which everyone is today, then you can check out my book, Answers for Ethical Marketers, here.
 
Enjoy the video, and then “weigh in” on the ways you uncover trouble spots at your company.
 
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“Grandpa Don’t Worry” Children’s Book Furthers the Mission to Explore Feelings & Values

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“Why did you pivot to add children’s books to your list of published works? It seems as if they’re on opposite ends of the spectrum,” asked a new acquaintance on LinkedIn.

“Yes, I can see why it appears as if business books and children’s books are on ‘opposite ends’. However, whether it’s the business books I write and the consulting and training I’m doing, or it’s the children’s books and the interviews I’m giving on parents and bonding with children, they all stem from a place of FEEL. Looking inward and managing your own feelings, helps you to connect, better understand and be receptive to the feelings of the people around you. Feelings and how you communicate them are at the core of every relationship.

We ended the conversation with my new friend and colleague wanting to check out all my books. I was happy to tell her that we’ve added a new one to the growing list!

So here it is …

 ‘Grandpa Don’t Worry: Another Whisper from Noelle’ was released by Outskirts Press on June 6, 2021.

The book, Grandpa Don’t Worry, takes Noelle’s whispers even further than before. If you’ve read our first book in the series, “A Whisper from Noelle,” you would know that an Angel, named Noelle, is whispering to the main character, Ashley-Ann. These messages help Ashley-Ann to learn what it means to feel and to discover important values that will shape her life. Ashley-Ann shares these messages with her mommy.

Tuning into to the whispers and exploring what it means to feel, including what to do when you’re afraid, what it means to be kind and caring and to trust others, and to be true to yourself, are all cornerstones of our 1st book.

Grandpa Don’t Worry exemplifies what it means to be empathetic. Through Noelle, Ashley-Ann learns what her grandpa feels and why he feels strongly about certain values or Loving Lessons. In the book, Ashley-Anne moves beyond listening and hearing to feeling deeply. She also expresses her care and love for her grandpa through important actions.

The Two Reasons We Wrote Grandpa Don’t Worry

First, in our books, we wanted to focus on trusted relationships, starting with Ashley-Ann and her mommy and now her grandpa. Eventually, Ashley-Ann will also receive messages about additional family members to strengthen values and increase their family bond. Ashley-Ann learns her grandpa worries and what this means to him and to her as well.

Listening carefully, placing yourself in someone else’s shoes (as close to their experience as you can get) and having a deeper understanding is the road to empathy. Empathy practiced in the home may lead to more empathy practiced in other important areas a child’s life: School, relationships, community, etc.

The 2nd reason we wrote Grandpa Don’t Worry was to pay tribute to both of our dads, Michael G. Skrobola and Irving S. Ziegler, who were the best grandpas to our children. They read, played, and spent time with our kids, and, yes, they would bring up subjects that had them worried.

In Grandpa Don’t Worry, we wanted our dads / the two grandpas to know that no matter the age of their grandchildren and great grandchildren, they were a large part in the shaping of feelings and family values. In fact, it was their Loving Lessons, mentioned in our book, which will continue to inspire our families in generations to come. 

Worry is a Part of Human Nature

Is there a bittersweet lesson here? Well, yes, there is. it’s often wishing that Grandparents and parents didn’t have to worry. However, worry is a part of human nature. After all the definition of worry is to give attention to issues whether they or actual or a potential unknown. We live in a world where news, social media, technology, and disruption may increase the feelings of the unknown. Our advice is to tune out those distractions and be more present in the moment and aware, especially when you’re spending time (those precious moments) with your children.

So rather than silent thought and stressful worry, why not get present and bring it out in the open, in loving and kind ways. Start a practice to uncover thoughts, feelings, and values early. Explore how different feelings will continue to shape your child’s growth and development, even when they are grown and on their own.

Whether it’s an angel, like Noelle, or it’s your inner guidance system that brings up these feelings and values, it’s important to explore them early. Is there an angel who whispers in your ear? These whispers may call attention to feelings and values you have as an adult and a professional, or as a parent tuning into your children. The best words we can offer are to explore feeling together and often.

If you want to learn more about Grandpa Don’t Worry, you can check out the book on our website. You can also purchase our book on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. All proceeds from A Whisper From Noelle and Grandpa Don’t Worry got to The Noelle Skrobola Outstanding Research Scholar Award at the College of New Jersey (TCNJ) where Noelle received her undergraduate degree in Psychology.

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How Different Generations Face Fears [FEEL First eBook Part I]

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It’s here! I’m launching the first ebook in a four-part series, all based on the data and analysis of the results from the FEEL First Test online.

Here’s the “Why” Behind the FEEL Test …

The FEEL First Test is part of an ongoing passion project and research experiment. When my stepdaughter, Noelle, who was a Millennial, passed away in September of 2018, I wanted to know what Millennials were thinking and feeling.

Many questions crossed my mind. Rather than guessing, I set off on a research journey gathering qualitative data from over 100 interviews with Millennials. At the time, I didn’t realize I would be analyzing and using the data to build a communications model, an online interactive test, and a roadmap to help professionals be present, self-aware and more tuned into and self-reflective of their interactions.

I wanted to know from Millennials, who were born between the years 1981 and 1996, the answers to these questions:

  • How do you show up to your conversations?
  • Are you sharing your authentic self?
  • What do you value?
  • How do you want to be perceived?
  • How do you want the leaders / supervisors, managers and mentors in your life to communicate with you?
  • What do you look for from a leader, supervisor, manager or mentor?
  • What do you look for in a relationship?
  • What does it take to build trust with people, whether you’re on social media, at your company or in any setting?

The 100+ Millennials I spoke with had more to say than I had ever expected or imagined. The one-on-one interviews scheduled for 15 to 20 minutes started to turn into 60 and 90-minute conversations.

I encouraged the flow of the discussions and the transparent sharing of stories and feelings. Some of what I heard enlightened me, and the process was eye-opening to say the least. At the same time, what was shared was jaw dropping and unsettling, which led me to ask another very important question. 

Do you ever really know how someone feels? 

The Millennials I interviewed told their stories with passion and from the heart. They stated exactly what they were thinking and feeling. It was then I realized, in order to tune in, and truly embrace the verbal and non-verbal cues shared daily, you have to be present and aware in each and every moment. Those interviews and those moments really opened my eyes.

When I stepped back to record the data from the conversations, I saw an interesting pattern develop. Four buckets quickly emerged based on the stories, the sentiment and the insights shared for the questions I initially asked. Clearly, and overwhelmingly, the Millennials wanted the people around them (with a focus on their leaders, supervisors, managers, etc.) to:

  1. Be more open and inclusive, which meant they had to face FEARS.
  2. Show kindness, be understanding and have EMPATHY.
  3. Live with truth and transparency and show good judgment, living with ETHICS daily.
  4. Have passion and show it by unleashing their LOVE for important causes and standing up for what they believed in.

For me, those four buckets, and understanding each one, has become a life purpose and an ongoing passion. They spelled a word that can make a difference in your personal and professional communication. The word is: FEEL.

If you apply FEEL or feelings, at the point of every interaction, and each communication you encounter, then you are more likely to deepen your conversations and move toward genuine relationships. 

The word FEEL has changed my life and career journey, and it’s the lens through which I evaluate my communications. Applying a FEEL lens to your connections and communication helps to build trust, loyalty and advocacy with every interaction.

Having Emotional Intelligence (EI) means understanding your own feelings/ emotions and reactions. So, I ask you …

  • Are you self-aware? 
  • Do you have self-discipline? 
  • Do you exercise self-management?
  • Are you also self-reflective? 
  • Do you manage your own emotions, so you can tune into and handle/manage someone else’s? 

Pondering the questions further, I realized there was no test to evaluate whether you FEEL first, before you engage in communication with the people around you.

Of course, evaluating your level of FEEL or how open, inclusive (and not fearful you are), empathetic, ethical and passionate toward a cause, is not just for Millennials. It’s for all generations and every human being. 

As a result of my qualitative research study, which focused on Millennials, regardless of your gender, age, generation or profession, the FEEL First Test came to life with a goal to help you realize how you feel about yourself, the people around you.

    After collecting over 9,100 answers from about 350 test participants between February 2020 and February 2021, I’ve created the 1st ebook you can download with findings from the FEEL First Test.

    To get your complimentary copy of the ebook, How Different Generations Face Fears, you can fill out the brief form and download below.

    Download The Feel First Test eBook

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