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How Different Generations Face Fears [FEEL First eBook Part I]

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It’s here! I’m launching the first ebook in a four-part series, all based on the data and analysis of the results from the FEEL First Test online.

Here’s the “Why” Behind the FEEL Test …

The FEEL First Test is part of an ongoing passion project and research experiment. When my stepdaughter, Noelle, who was a Millennial, passed away in September of 2018, I wanted to know what Millennials were thinking and feeling.

Many questions crossed my mind. Rather than guessing, I set off on a research journey gathering qualitative data from over 100 interviews with Millennials. At the time, I didn’t realize I would be analyzing and using the data to build a communications model, an online interactive test, and a roadmap to help professionals be present, self-aware and more tuned into and self-reflective of their interactions.

I wanted to know from Millennials, who were born between the years 1981 and 1996, the answers to these questions:

  • How do you show up to your conversations?
  • Are you sharing your authentic self?
  • What do you value?
  • How do you want to be perceived?
  • How do you want the leaders / supervisors, managers and mentors in your life to communicate with you?
  • What do you look for from a leader, supervisor, manager or mentor?
  • What do you look for in a relationship?
  • What does it take to build trust with people, whether you’re on social media, at your company or in any setting?

The 100+ Millennials I spoke with had more to say than I had ever expected or imagined. The one-on-one interviews scheduled for 15 to 20 minutes started to turn into 60 and 90-minute conversations.

I encouraged the flow of the discussions and the transparent sharing of stories and feelings. Some of what I heard enlightened me, and the process was eye-opening to say the least. At the same time, what was shared was jaw dropping and unsettling, which led me to ask another very important question. 

Do you ever really know how someone feels? 

The Millennials I interviewed told their stories with passion and from the heart. They stated exactly what they were thinking and feeling. It was then I realized, in order to tune in, and truly embrace the verbal and non-verbal cues shared daily, you have to be present and aware in each and every moment. Those interviews and those moments really opened my eyes.

When I stepped back to record the data from the conversations, I saw an interesting pattern develop. Four buckets quickly emerged based on the stories, the sentiment and the insights shared for the questions I initially asked. Clearly, and overwhelmingly, the Millennials wanted the people around them (with a focus on their leaders, supervisors, managers, etc.) to:

  1. Be more open and inclusive, which meant they had to face FEARS.
  2. Show kindness, be understanding and have EMPATHY.
  3. Live with truth and transparency and show good judgment, living with ETHICS daily.
  4. Have passion and show it by unleashing their LOVE for important causes and standing up for what they believed in.

For me, those four buckets, and understanding each one, has become a life purpose and an ongoing passion. They spelled a word that can make a difference in your personal and professional communication. The word is: FEEL.

If you apply FEEL or feelings, at the point of every interaction, and each communication you encounter, then you are more likely to deepen your conversations and move toward genuine relationships. 

The word FEEL has changed my life and career journey, and it’s the lens through which I evaluate my communications. Applying a FEEL lens to your connections and communication helps to build trust, loyalty and advocacy with every interaction.

Having Emotional Intelligence (EI) means understanding your own feelings/ emotions and reactions. So, I ask you …

  • Are you self-aware? 
  • Do you have self-discipline? 
  • Do you exercise self-management?
  • Are you also self-reflective? 
  • Do you manage your own emotions, so you can tune into and handle/manage someone else’s? 

Pondering the questions further, I realized there was no test to evaluate whether you FEEL first, before you engage in communication with the people around you.

Of course, evaluating your level of FEEL or how open, inclusive (and not fearful you are), empathetic, ethical and passionate toward a cause, is not just for Millennials. It’s for all generations and every human being. 

As a result of my qualitative research study, which focused on Millennials, regardless of your gender, age, generation or profession, the FEEL First Test came to life with a goal to help you realize how you feel about yourself, the people around you.

    After collecting over 9,100 answers from about 350 test participants between February 2020 and February 2021, I’ve created the 1st ebook you can download with findings from the FEEL First Test.

    To get your complimentary copy of the ebook, How Different Generations Face Fears, you can fill out the brief form and download below.

    Download The Feel First Test eBook
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    Book Announcement: Answers For Ethical Marketers Published as a Guide to Good Business Communication

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    When I started my public relations and marketing career journey, I thought ethics and values always entered the equation. Every professional, journalist, and media outlet practiced ethical conduct. Naive, I know!
     
    What I’ve learned quickly, and, in some cases, with a big lesson attached, is that ethics and values are a personal choice and a professional practice. Defining your values and applying your good judgment in decision-making goes with you, down every road and at every crossroad. You do not leave your values at your company’s doorstep and automatically adapt their “best practices.” Suddenly, the ability to pause, question, involve smart people in decisions, and course correct are critical actions. Upholding the standards of truth, objectivity, accuracy, fairness, with a “Do No Harm” approach is also what you want to rely on every day. This way, at the end of your day, your integrity is still intact.
     
    Answers For Ethical Marketers Released  in April 2021
    Now, there’s a book with personal stories, shared experiences with business thought leaders, and plenty of questions asked and answered about ethical conduct in communications. I’m excited to announce I’ve collaborated with Routledge Publishing to release my book, Answers for Ethical Marketers. It’s the 2nd book in the ‘Answers’ series after releasing Answers for Modern Communicators in 2017.
     
    My new book is just the beginning of pressing conversations about ethics and values. Some we’ve had in the past and other discussions that are new due to ever-changing technologies and the evolving media landscape.
     
    Breaking Down the Book
    As for the writing process, there was plenty of fodder for the pages of this book. I wrote it during a global pandemic, the 2020 Presidential Election, and, at a time, when there was racial violence. Yes, challenges lie ahead, and leaders need to be ethical role models. They should be setting an example for their employees, customers and the other stakeholders they serve. However, is it just leaders and their communications teams responsible for ethics in communications?
     

    Who is the Ethical Marketer? Well, it’s you, whether you’re a marketing / PR professional, a business person, or anyone in the company who is communicating and sharing about the brand. That’s a wide range of professionals.  There are opportunities and challenges when it comes to ethics and values permeating every level and position in an organization. Answers for Ethical Marketers breaks down the landscape. The book starts by probing the ‘essentials’ of what Ethical Marketers need to know.

    Some of the chapters include:

    • Applying ethics through media channels in PR, digital marketing, and social media programs.
    • Delivering ethical communication through cause marketing.
    • Taking ethics into media interviews.
    • Learning the actions steps of leaders who are ethical role models.
    • Identifying your ethical mentors. 
    Moving Forward With Ethical Marketing
    I look forward to the discussions, passionate perspectives, decision-making processes, and highlighting the professionals demonstrating ethical conduct that speak to truth, transparency, integrity, and the character professionals need to uphold in their communications today. Yes, words matter, yet actions will always speak louder than words. At the same time, I realize we’re all human, and mistakes will happen. It’s what you do with the learning moments and how you move forward with action steps knowing that you “Do Well By Doing Good.”
     
    Answers For Ethical Marketers is a compass to guide you, and a resource to help you tap into your inner “Ethics GPS,” regardless of your organization, position, or the situation at hand.
     
    Here’s my video explaining the book and launch. If you’re interested in learning more, you can check out Answers for Ethical Marketers here.
    Buy The Book Here

    Answers For Ethical Marketers Book Announcement

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    The FEEL First Pledge: A Commitment to Communication & Relationship Building

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    How you FEEL determines how you communicate. It doesn’t take a scientific study to know this or to watch your emotions play out on social media. Think about how your feelings translate into actions, reactions and the words that come out of your mouth (or the words in your tweets and/or your Facebook posts). If you’re an optimist, then you will communicate as such. The same goes if you’re the opposite. As a pessimist, your communication would reflect this too. Take on any mood and it is likely your communication relates to how you feel. Now, think about this statement: Why wouldn’t you want to study, understand and improve your feelings, so that they play out positively in your communications and the relationships that result.
     
    Optimism Helps Your Communication
     
    As I sit here with the book, The Optimist Creed and other Inspirational Classics by Christian Larsen, both his book and his Optimist Creed (which is pinned to my wall) remind me of all that’s positive in my daily thought process and interactions. Being positive about others, having peace of mind, finding health and happiness, letting go of mistakes and moving forward toward future achievements are just a few of the elements of the Optimist Creed. Many of these ideals are learned early on in childhood and through years of life experience, family guidance, an educational system, and societal norms, they are adhered to or not. Hopefully, the former is true and you are a living testament to the Optimist Creed.
     
    For Your Relationships: A Pledge for Better Communication 
     
    However, what about your communication? Do you pay close attention to what you communicate daily, from the time you wake up in the morning until you lay down at night? Do you have a responsibility to yourself and to the people around you to care about the consequences of your words as they travel through your favorite channels, in any given moment? To my knowledge there is no Communication Checklist or Communications Pledge that you can print out and hang on your wall or post on your refrigerator. If there is, I haven’t seen it yet. Having the Optimist Creed on my wall is a reminder to me every day to strive for better and to keep a healthy and positive attitude. Having a Communications Pledge on my wall would be just as helpful.
     
    I’ve been working on the FEEL First model for well over a year. My team has been diligently gathering data from a FEEL First test online that is scoring how much or how little professionals Face Fears, Engage with Empathy, Live with Ethics and Unleash Love. There are well over 6,000 answers in our database. From everything I’ve learned from my research journey, when you FEEL First you have a better opportunity to understand and manage someone else’s emotions too.

     

    FEEL First Model
     
    Of course, your ability to FEEL takes constant work … it’s a journey to be more open and to face what makes you uncomfortable. It takes a clear and present mind and heart to be more inclusive of others. It’s harder than you may think to be empathetic when sometimes you may only be touching the surface and you don’t even t know it. It’s not as obvious as you think to live with ethics and good judgment, when little white lies are a way of fooling your brain into larger transgressions. Lastly, if you’re not a demonstrative communicator it may be difficult to let the passion lord or the love flow.
     
    However, the more you practice and also make a commitment to yourself that you can and will FEEL First in your communications, you will slowly move closer to this approach through all of your channels as you deepen your relationships.
     
    The FEEL First Pledge
     
    I mentioned earlier not having a Pledge or a Creed in communications until now … I’ve created a FEEL First Pledge as a reminder that collectively we need better communication. Practicing or saying a pledge daily will help you to move toward greater purpose through your thoughts, words, and actions to create positive impact. Having a Pledge, during an election year, the Coronavirus pandemic, and racial injustice that’s playing out across our county is necessary and needed now. If relationships are based on trust, then your communication is either the bridge that can help others or hurt them. 
     
    Where Do We Go From Here?
     
    Words matter more so now than ever. So join me in a Pledge to FEEL First and a commitment to share communication that helps your neighbors, family, friends and colleagues and takes your communication to a new level so you can make a difference. You can download the the FEEL First Pledge below.
     
    Click image to download the FEEL First Pledge.
    Click image to download the FEEL First Pledge.
    Roadmap Feel Media Training

    FEEL Media Training Roadmap

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    I’ve been media training executives for years. The training and exercises were focused on verbal communication and sharing the company’s messaging correctly. These thought leaders were tested in several media situations to see if they could answer questions accurately and in a way that always bridged back to the “talking points.” At the same time, they practiced non-verbal communication; what their bodies were saying as they shared these critical messages. Do the same media training techniques work today in a heated and highly emotional media landscape?

    A Different Approach to Media Training

    Let’s look at a different approach, one that goes beyond what you expect in media training. What you expect is only part of the equation when dealing with a passionate public and a polarized landscape, from the journalists who share the “news” stories to the audiences who watch, sometimes in awe or other times, in utter shock.

    There’s far too much going on in the news not to be human and to react. Daily, you witness what’s happening, from the coronavirus pandemic, the economic concerns and the reopening of business to the racial injustice, protests across the country, and the lack of civil discourse in politics in an election year. The news cycle is fast and furious, and emotions are running high. So what’s the other part of the equation? It’s to take an emotionally intelligent approach to your media conversations and to show up to your interviews and appearances with your EI hat on and your willingness to navigate increasingly tough topics. 

    Emotional Intelligence and Executive Interviews

    Why is emotional intelligence valuable wherever an executive shows up? If you don’t have a good handle on your own emotions, you will not manage others’ feelings. The rule applies to any of your stakeholders and important constituents. The media needs your emotional intelligence too. Building a relationship with journalists and their communities means being a trusted and reliable resource. However, this also translates into showing up to interviews with more than just talking points. You have to be emotionally ready to navigate difficult topics today and how they affect your business (even when you think it’s a “softball” interview).

    I could steer you to any number of YouTube videos of interviews with cable news hosts and their guests that have “gone bad” and the tweets and Facebook posts that go viral as a result. However, let’s not focus on the negative. Now, there’s an approach to listen, learn, understand, and to do better in your interviews. 

    You have to take a FEEL approach to your media interviews. If you’ve been following me, then you know that FEEL stands for face your Fears, engage with Empathy, live with Ethics, and unleash your Love. Your talking points and messaging are still relevant, and so is your body language. However, it’s also your job to tune in and learn how others are showing up and to uncover what they are feeling. 

    What’s their real agenda? The first step to finding out is to quiet your mind and to be fully present. You may be thinking, “If I’m prepared to answer questions, and I’m really good with my own body language then why does it matter?” When your mind is clear, and you’re open and understanding about what’s going on with your journalist, the media outlet, and the audience, you’re moving from one-time interview to more frequent opportunities and go-to-media expert. 

    Three Top Reasons to Take a Mindful Approach

    If there is any doubt about bringing emotional intelligence to your interviews, here are three top reasons to incorporate a new mindful approach:

    1. When you quiet the chatter, you’re on your toes, fully present, and much more likely to share a thoughtful answer than the quick, pressured response you may regret later.
    2. When your mind is clear, you’re also able to open your frame of reference. Taking the chip off your shoulder and checking your ego at the door helps you step back when you hear something that would typically cause you to have a knee-jerk reaction. Having a clear mind allows you to stop the constant knee-jerking. Instead, you’ll ask a question, which allows a conversation to progress more comfortably.
    3. When you’re fully present and open to hearing different perspectives, you’re also actively listening, which is a vital part of emotional intelligence. Of course, you’ll have more concise and helpful answers when you’re tuned in and listening. You’ll also be able to mirror back information that helps people feel validated about what they’re sharing, even if you’re not in 100% agreement with their views.

    If you’re interested in trying a different approach to media, then there’s a FEEL Roadmap with exercises to help you to FEEL First, a new way to prep for your interviews. Completing the activities on the roadmap will prepare you to not only deliver your talking points but also to show up with more than just your messaging. Now, you’ll be EI ready for any interview.

    You can download the FEEL Roadmap here.

     

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    Advising, Guiding & Tips for Listening as You Navigate the “New” Normal

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    Here’s another 555 or what I’m calling your “411” on advice, guidance, and tips to actively listen as all of us navigate a “new” normal in our professional lives.

    Similar to my last two videos, the first “5” is my give to 5 pros who want to learn more about FEEL First communications with a complimentary consulting session (the getting advice part). Details are in the video below on how to contact me.

    The second “5” is my shout out to elevate five pros who go above and beyond to share great content and their gifts with others. You’ll have to listen to the video to hear what these folks are doing:

    – Patrice Tanaka (@sambagal), CEO of Joyful Planet

    – Ryan Foland (@RyanRoland), Speaker, Author, Brand Strategist –

    Dennis Shiao (@dshiao), Marketing Consultant, Content Strategist

    – Susan Freeman (@susfree), CEO, Freeman Means Business

    – Lindsay Griffiths (@LindsayGriffith), Executive Director, International Lawyers Network.

    The last “5” is my 5 tips for actively listening. After all, if you’re not listening, then you can advise and offer guidance. Watch the video for these tips so you can build better relationships as you navigate the “new” normal. You’ll learn how being present, reducing technology, listening with your body, taking notes, and asking questions really helps you to tune in and focus.

    Enjoy the 555 and let me know if you have any advice, guidance, or tips to help.

     

    Advising, Guiding & Tips for Actively Listening

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    Giving, FEELing & Communicating in Uncertain Times

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    As more news and information is shared about the Coronavirus pandemic, the public is bombarded with messages and the volume of noise increases. Yes, these are uncertain times and communication can either help or it can be confusing. You have to choose wisely how you communicate and interact with the people and the communities around you.

    At the same time, the way you’ve operated and shared information in the past, whether it was a month ago or even last week, will be different than how you’ll approach your communications today. In the spirit of helping, giving and FEELing for others, I’ve decided to do something a little different myself.

    I’m launching what I call a “555” Series to offer complimentary FEEL consulting to 5 businesses, uplift 5 giving professionals by sharing their resources and provide 5 tips for communicating during times that require leadership focused on Emotional Intelligence (EI). I’ve mentioned in my video that the first 5 businesses or professionals who contact me via email (deirdre@pureperformancecomm.com), will receive a complimentary consulting session to assess how much they FEEL First in their communication with important constituents.

    You can check out my video for the full 555 on helping businesses, amplifying the voices of colleagues with giving resources and to learn some simple tips to communicate wearing your EI hat.

    Here’s to giving, helping and feeling more. We’re in this together. Stay healthy and be well, my friends.

    Featured Image Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

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    Three Tips for Communicating in Uncertain Times

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    We are in uncertain times. Your customers, employees, partners, the media and other important constituents are looking to you for helpful information. Unfortunately, a lot of the communication shared in uncertain times ends up confusing and frustrating these groups even more.  

    As we witness the stock market lows, travel bans, event cancellations and more businesses asking employees to work from home, here are three tips to help guide your communication.

    Tip #1: Stick with what you know — be direct and don’t share hunches and guestimates.

    Tip #2: Show up with your Emotional Intelligence (EI) so you can respond thoughtfully and not react to challenging communication.

    Tip #3: Appreciate the feedback you receive — it’s a gift — even the negative feedback helps you to learn and grow.

    Here’s my video discussing these tips in more detail and how they can help you.

    It’s time to FEEL First in your communication. I’ve been working on my passion project, the FEEL Model, gathering research about the type of communication that builds relationships and creates stronger bonds. In uncertain times, FEEL (facing Fears, engaging with Empathy, Using Ethics and unleashing Love) can make a difference. As the Coronavirus spreads and new cases are reported in the U.S. and globally, effective, meaningful and valuable communication requires a FEEL First approach.

    Check out the tips and please share yours too. Together, we can lead with compassion and understanding, and offer helpful and accurate information to the people who matter the most to us professionally and personally in our lives.

    Featured Image Photo Credit: Green Chameleon on Unsplash

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    Start 2020 with an Action Plan: Begin with FEEL for Real Relationships

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    Happy 2020, friends! Here’s to a year that’s filled with happiness, good health, and prosperity.

    When I look back at 2019, I realize it was an intense year for so many reasons. Every week was one of reflection and new insights with a 52+ week millennial research project.

    Today, as a result of this reflection and realizing my research had uncovered a new Mode of Operation or communication model, I’m focusing on a FEEL roadmap in 2020; adding FEEL to all of my communications. At the same time, I’ll be helping other professionals understand why strategic communications can only get you so far in your connections and relationship building. FEEL is the stepping stone to real relationships personally and professionally. How much do you use FEEL in your communication through all of your channels? Now you can find out with the FEEL First Test.

    I decided to evaluate myself and my ability to FEEL, by taking the online FEEL First test, which came together as a result of the deep conversations with millennials in 2019.

    I was surprised, not so surprised, to learn that I still have some FEEL work to do in the areas of facing Fears, engaging with Empathy, etc. In 2020, I’m on my way to FEEL Mastery, which is the highest range of scores you can achieve. The FEEL First Test not only evaluates your ability to FEEL, in every area of the model, and in different settings, but it also recommends exercises to increase your level of FEEL.

    And, so my roadmap begins and yours can too.

    A huge thank you to all of those millennials who took the time to interview with me, and who wanted to share the value of communication, what it means to have trust in a real relationship and what they expect from the important people in their lives. You have helped me to get through a difficult time and to turn loss and sadness into purpose and focus.

    Here’s my video discussing where my roadmap begins and how professionals and companies would solve a lot of their issues and communication challenges with the FEEL model.

    Featured Image Photo Credit: Amit Jain at Unsplash

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