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FEEL First Blog Post

Creating Meaningful Connections Through Emotionally Intelligent Communication

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My public relations/communication students and I have been discussing soft skills, including emotional intelligence (EQ), for several years.

More recently, the topic has come up in the context of relationship-building, specifically the role that EQ can play in building trust to create authentic, meaningful connections between organizations and diverse audiences. In the spirit of experiential learning, I wanted to turn these conversations into hands-on development opportunities.

Around the same time, I was speaking with Deirdre about her FEEL approach to communication. After learning more about her research and how it relates to EQ, I piloted an optional assignment in an upper-level, strategic communication course.     

Assignment Overview

There are three basic components to the assignment: 

  • Take the FEEL First test and obtain your score.
  • Review the suggestions, identify one and put it into practice.
  • Write a brief reflection paper regarding the experience.

Students had about two weeks to do the work. They weren’t required to share their scores but rather consider what they learned as a result of the experience.       

A Student Perspective

One student who completed the assignment, David James, a current UMass Amherst senior and communication major, felt that it was a personal confidence booster, as well as a jumping off point to better understanding public relations. He mentioned the importance of empathy, particularly for those who serve as chief relationship agents, to be able to “FEEL others’ thoughts, opinions and emotions on both a macro and micro level.” 

David, who is also taking business courses, shared that, “I might not have even appreciated that enough while learning it, but in hindsight now, it covers how we should always go about the PR process. Even in the most high-stress crisis comms situations, PR efforts would benefit from a step back, a deep breath and feeling out how each target public might perceive the organization’s message.”

Overall, this exercise provides an opportunity for continuous learning; one that’s designed to encourage taking a more human approach to communication to enhance interpersonal and organizational relationships.

Jennie Donohue is a Senior Lecturer & Director of PR Curriculum, UMASS Amherst.

A Whisper From Noeel Book

Announcing the Launch of a New Book: A Whisper From Noelle

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I’ve spent years writing business books on PR, branding and social media. However, I never imagined writing a children’s book on what it means to FEEL as a way to help parents and children to explore feelings together.

As I was working with professionals to FEEL First (my research passion project), which explores facing Fears, having Empathy, living with Ethics and unleashing Love, my husband, Mark shared that he wanted to write a children’s book as a way to honor the memory of our daughter (my stepdaughter) Noelle. 

Then, I thought about about some of the resistance I’ve encountered in business around my FEEL model. Depending on your industry and company culture, showing your feelings in the workplace setting can be difficult for professionals.

Together we had an “AHA” moment and something clicked! Mark and I knew that the FEEL “work” must start younger, with children and parents, in the home. So, I mediated one morning and right afterward wrote the story, A Whisper From Noelle.” Mark took the ball and ran with it. He worked closely with the illustrator and the publisher to bring the book, A Whisper From Noelle, to life.

Children are impressionable. They are molded by their families in the home environment. Making sure you are present and actively listening to what scares your children, or what makes them happy, really matters. Helping children to learn what it means to be kind, caring and compassionate lays the groundwork for later years. Understanding why it is important to be true to yourself and to trust your “inner GPS” guides children more smoothly into adulthood.

Our hope, passion and purpose is to bring grandparents, parents and children together so they learn, understand, discover and accept different feelings. After all, there is nothing more precious than the feelings of your children as you help them to find their way in this world.

Mark and I have created a short video about the book you can access below. You can also visit our website to learn more about A Whisper From Noelle. All proceeds of the book go to The College of New Jersey’s Outstanding Research Scholar award.

Please help us to celebrate the launch of our new book and the importance of sharing feelings in the home.

A Whisper From Noelle Book Launch

Final Version FEEL First Pledge Image

The FEEL First Pledge: A Commitment to Communication & Relationship Building

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How you FEEL determines how you communicate. It doesn’t take a scientific study to know this or to watch your emotions play out on social media. Think about how your feelings translate into actions, reactions and the words that come out of your mouth (or the words in your tweets and/or your Facebook posts). If you’re an optimist, then you will communicate as such. The same goes if you’re the opposite. As a pessimist, your communication would reflect this too. Take on any mood and it is likely your communication relates to how you feel. Now, think about this statement: Why wouldn’t you want to study, understand and improve your feelings, so that they play out positively in your communications and the relationships that result.
 
Optimism Helps Your Communication
 
As I sit here with the book, The Optimist Creed and other Inspirational Classics by Christian Larsen, both his book and his Optimist Creed (which is pinned to my wall) remind me of all that’s positive in my daily thought process and interactions. Being positive about others, having peace of mind, finding health and happiness, letting go of mistakes and moving forward toward future achievements are just a few of the elements of the Optimist Creed. Many of these ideals are learned early on in childhood and through years of life experience, family guidance, an educational system, and societal norms, they are adhered to or not. Hopefully, the former is true and you are a living testament to the Optimist Creed.
 
For Your Relationships: A Pledge for Better Communication 
 
However, what about your communication? Do you pay close attention to what you communicate daily, from the time you wake up in the morning until you lay down at night? Do you have a responsibility to yourself and to the people around you to care about the consequences of your words as they travel through your favorite channels, in any given moment? To my knowledge there is no Communication Checklist or Communications Pledge that you can print out and hang on your wall or post on your refrigerator. If there is, I haven’t seen it yet. Having the Optimist Creed on my wall is a reminder to me every day to strive for better and to keep a healthy and positive attitude. Having a Communications Pledge on my wall would be just as helpful.
 
I’ve been working on the FEEL First model for well over a year. My team has been diligently gathering data from a FEEL First test online that is scoring how much or how little professionals Face Fears, Engage with Empathy, Live with Ethics and Unleash Love. There are well over 6,000 answers in our database. From everything I’ve learned from my research journey, when you FEEL First you have a better opportunity to understand and manage someone else’s emotions too.

 

FEEL First Model
 
Of course, your ability to FEEL takes constant work … it’s a journey to be more open and to face what makes you uncomfortable. It takes a clear and present mind and heart to be more inclusive of others. It’s harder than you may think to be empathetic when sometimes you may only be touching the surface and you don’t even t know it. It’s not as obvious as you think to live with ethics and good judgment, when little white lies are a way of fooling your brain into larger transgressions. Lastly, if you’re not a demonstrative communicator it may be difficult to let the passion lord or the love flow.
 
However, the more you practice and also make a commitment to yourself that you can and will FEEL First in your communications, you will slowly move closer to this approach through all of your channels as you deepen your relationships.
 
The FEEL First Pledge
 
I mentioned earlier not having a Pledge or a Creed in communications until now … I’ve created a FEEL First Pledge as a reminder that collectively we need better communication. Practicing or saying a pledge daily will help you to move toward greater purpose through your thoughts, words, and actions to create positive impact. Having a Pledge, during an election year, the Coronavirus pandemic, and racial injustice that’s playing out across our county is necessary and needed now. If relationships are based on trust, then your communication is either the bridge that can help others or hurt them. 
 
Where Do We Go From Here?
 
Words matter more so now than ever. So join me in a Pledge to FEEL First and a commitment to share communication that helps your neighbors, family, friends and colleagues and takes your communication to a new level so you can make a difference. You can download the the FEEL First Pledge below.
 
Click image to download the FEEL First Pledge.
Click image to download the FEEL First Pledge.
Roadmap Feel Media Training

FEEL Media Training Roadmap

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I’ve been media training executives for years. The training and exercises were focused on verbal communication and sharing the company’s messaging correctly. These thought leaders were tested in several media situations to see if they could answer questions accurately and in a way that always bridged back to the “talking points.” At the same time, they practiced non-verbal communication; what their bodies were saying as they shared these critical messages. Do the same media training techniques work today in a heated and highly emotional media landscape?

A Different Approach to Media Training

Let’s look at a different approach, one that goes beyond what you expect in media training. What you expect is only part of the equation when dealing with a passionate public and a polarized landscape, from the journalists who share the “news” stories to the audiences who watch, sometimes in awe or other times, in utter shock.

There’s far too much going on in the news not to be human and to react. Daily, you witness what’s happening, from the coronavirus pandemic, the economic concerns and the reopening of business to the racial injustice, protests across the country, and the lack of civil discourse in politics in an election year. The news cycle is fast and furious, and emotions are running high. So what’s the other part of the equation? It’s to take an emotionally intelligent approach to your media conversations and to show up to your interviews and appearances with your EI hat on and your willingness to navigate increasingly tough topics. 

Emotional Intelligence and Executive Interviews

Why is emotional intelligence valuable wherever an executive shows up? If you don’t have a good handle on your own emotions, you will not manage others’ feelings. The rule applies to any of your stakeholders and important constituents. The media needs your emotional intelligence too. Building a relationship with journalists and their communities means being a trusted and reliable resource. However, this also translates into showing up to interviews with more than just talking points. You have to be emotionally ready to navigate difficult topics today and how they affect your business (even when you think it’s a “softball” interview).

I could steer you to any number of YouTube videos of interviews with cable news hosts and their guests that have “gone bad” and the tweets and Facebook posts that go viral as a result. However, let’s not focus on the negative. Now, there’s an approach to listen, learn, understand, and to do better in your interviews. 

You have to take a FEEL approach to your media interviews. If you’ve been following me, then you know that FEEL stands for face your Fears, engage with Empathy, live with Ethics, and unleash your Love. Your talking points and messaging are still relevant, and so is your body language. However, it’s also your job to tune in and learn how others are showing up and to uncover what they are feeling. 

What’s their real agenda? The first step to finding out is to quiet your mind and to be fully present. You may be thinking, “If I’m prepared to answer questions, and I’m really good with my own body language then why does it matter?” When your mind is clear, and you’re open and understanding about what’s going on with your journalist, the media outlet, and the audience, you’re moving from one-time interview to more frequent opportunities and go-to-media expert. 

Three Top Reasons to Take a Mindful Approach

If there is any doubt about bringing emotional intelligence to your interviews, here are three top reasons to incorporate a new mindful approach:

  1. When you quiet the chatter, you’re on your toes, fully present, and much more likely to share a thoughtful answer than the quick, pressured response you may regret later.
  2. When your mind is clear, you’re also able to open your frame of reference. Taking the chip off your shoulder and checking your ego at the door helps you step back when you hear something that would typically cause you to have a knee-jerk reaction. Having a clear mind allows you to stop the constant knee-jerking. Instead, you’ll ask a question, which allows a conversation to progress more comfortably.
  3. When you’re fully present and open to hearing different perspectives, you’re also actively listening, which is a vital part of emotional intelligence. Of course, you’ll have more concise and helpful answers when you’re tuned in and listening. You’ll also be able to mirror back information that helps people feel validated about what they’re sharing, even if you’re not in 100% agreement with their views.

If you’re interested in trying a different approach to media, then there’s a FEEL Roadmap with exercises to help you to FEEL First, a new way to prep for your interviews. Completing the activities on the roadmap will prepare you to not only deliver your talking points but also to show up with more than just your messaging. Now, you’ll be EI ready for any interview.

You can download the FEEL Roadmap here.

 

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Advising, Guiding & Tips for Listening as You Navigate the “New” Normal

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Here’s another 555 or what I’m calling your “411” on advice, guidance, and tips to actively listen as all of us navigate a “new” normal in our professional lives.

Similar to my last two videos, the first “5” is my give to 5 pros who want to learn more about FEEL First communications with a complimentary consulting session (the getting advice part). Details are in the video below on how to contact me.

The second “5” is my shout out to elevate five pros who go above and beyond to share great content and their gifts with others. You’ll have to listen to the video to hear what these folks are doing:

– Patrice Tanaka (@sambagal), CEO of Joyful Planet

– Ryan Foland (@RyanRoland), Speaker, Author, Brand Strategist –

Dennis Shiao (@dshiao), Marketing Consultant, Content Strategist

– Susan Freeman (@susfree), CEO, Freeman Means Business

– Lindsay Griffiths (@LindsayGriffith), Executive Director, International Lawyers Network.

The last “5” is my 5 tips for actively listening. After all, if you’re not listening, then you can advise and offer guidance. Watch the video for these tips so you can build better relationships as you navigate the “new” normal. You’ll learn how being present, reducing technology, listening with your body, taking notes, and asking questions really helps you to tune in and focus.

Enjoy the 555 and let me know if you have any advice, guidance, or tips to help.

 

Advising, Guiding & Tips for Actively Listening

Morning coffee and internet

Helping, Lifting, and Working Remotely in Challenging Times

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Here’s the 2nd video in my “555” series to help 5 professionals incorporate FEEL into their communication, lift up 5 professionals who share excellent resources and to offer my 5 tips for working remotely in challenging times.

As the video mentions, the first 5 people who reach out to me via email (deirdre@pureperformancecomm.com) will receive a complimentary consulting session to discuss how to add the FEEL approach to your communications.

As for the 5 resources to lift others, I’ve included the following:

  • Co-founder of TEKgroup International Steve Momorella’s Crisis Webinar.
  • Wendy Glavin’s new LinkedIn Group called Tech Talk: From Newbies to Savvy.
  • Julia Pimsleur’s CEO Check-In Live on Facebook and Instagram. You can check out information about her event.
  • The #WinnieSun Twitter chat every Wednesday at 2:00 p.m. ET hosted by Wealth Whisperer Winnie Sun.
  • Alissa Carpenter’s Humanize Your Workplace podcast with tips on being more aware and human at work.  

You can check out the video for these resources and also learn my 5 tips to working remotely. I rely on certain platforms, devices and having my office set up so I’m video meeting ready. 

My heart goes out to everyone whose health and businesses have been impacted by COVID-19. I’m here to help, to lift others and to share resources and tips. 

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Giving, FEELing & Communicating in Uncertain Times

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As more news and information is shared about the Coronavirus pandemic, the public is bombarded with messages and the volume of noise increases. Yes, these are uncertain times and communication can either help or it can be confusing. You have to choose wisely how you communicate and interact with the people and the communities around you.

At the same time, the way you’ve operated and shared information in the past, whether it was a month ago or even last week, will be different than how you’ll approach your communications today. In the spirit of helping, giving and FEELing for others, I’ve decided to do something a little different myself.

I’m launching what I call a “555” Series to offer complimentary FEEL consulting to 5 businesses, uplift 5 giving professionals by sharing their resources and provide 5 tips for communicating during times that require leadership focused on Emotional Intelligence (EI). I’ve mentioned in my video that the first 5 businesses or professionals who contact me via email (deirdre@pureperformancecomm.com), will receive a complimentary consulting session to assess how much they FEEL First in their communication with important constituents.

You can check out my video for the full 555 on helping businesses, amplifying the voices of colleagues with giving resources and to learn some simple tips to communicate wearing your EI hat.

Here’s to giving, helping and feeling more. We’re in this together. Stay healthy and be well, my friends.

Featured Image Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

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Three Tips for Communicating in Uncertain Times

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We are in uncertain times. Your customers, employees, partners, the media and other important constituents are looking to you for helpful information. Unfortunately, a lot of the communication shared in uncertain times ends up confusing and frustrating these groups even more.  

As we witness the stock market lows, travel bans, event cancellations and more businesses asking employees to work from home, here are three tips to help guide your communication.

Tip #1: Stick with what you know — be direct and don’t share hunches and guestimates.

Tip #2: Show up with your Emotional Intelligence (EI) so you can respond thoughtfully and not react to challenging communication.

Tip #3: Appreciate the feedback you receive — it’s a gift — even the negative feedback helps you to learn and grow.

Here’s my video discussing these tips in more detail and how they can help you.

It’s time to FEEL First in your communication. I’ve been working on my passion project, the FEEL Model, gathering research about the type of communication that builds relationships and creates stronger bonds. In uncertain times, FEEL (facing Fears, engaging with Empathy, Using Ethics and unleashing Love) can make a difference. As the Coronavirus spreads and new cases are reported in the U.S. and globally, effective, meaningful and valuable communication requires a FEEL First approach.

Check out the tips and please share yours too. Together, we can lead with compassion and understanding, and offer helpful and accurate information to the people who matter the most to us professionally and personally in our lives.

Featured Image Photo Credit: Green Chameleon on Unsplash

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